Rusty's Predicament
by Autumn2930
Summary: After Rusty passes his Psych evaluation and a police action is set up for him, Sharon begins to have nightmares involving his participation. How does Rusty handle being back on the streets? How will Sharon cope knowing Rusty is in continuous danger?
1. Chapter 1

Gasping for breath, Sharon sat straight up in bed clutching her chest as her heart beat wildly. Reaching a shaking hand over to the lamp, she quickly turned it on wincing at the sudden brightness of the room and leaned back against the headboard closing her eyes as she worked to regulate her breathing. Memories of her nightmare flashed up and a tear rolled down her cheek followed by several more as she grabbed a pillow brought it her to face and sobbed.

As the tears subsided she set the pillow aside and slowly slid out of bed. Walking to the bathroom she turned on the hot water, waiting as it warmed up before washing all traces of her tears away. Glancing at the alarm clock, she sighed when it read two am. Too keyed up to sleep she grabbed her purple robe wrapped it around her white nightgown and headed towards the kitchen to make some tension reliever tea.

Filling the red teakettle with water, she set it on the stove turned on the gas burner then leaned on the counter, her head resting against the cabinet. The same nightmare had plagued her every night for the past two weeks and it frightened her to core. She always woke up at the same spot, running towards Rusty who was on the ground bloody and writhing in pain. Tomorrow was the day he would go out on the streets to hopefully flush out the man who had been writing them threatening notes. Half of her team was going to be there watching over him while the other half was going to stay at the precinct to work on any potential cases that were designated to them.

Sharon, against her will, had agreed to only be on the streets one day a week and she had to stay in the van with Buzz. After Chief Taylor accidently disclosed that she was receiving threatening letters too, Rusty had freaked out and had made the decision with Leut Provinsa and Chief Taylor that she couldn't be there. It was the hardest thing she had agreed to do in some time. She was his mother and she wanted to be there to make sure he was safe because she knew for certain that anyone who laid a hand on him was going to have a bullet through their head from her gun.

Sighing, she stretched the kinks out of her neck and shut off the burner before the teakettle began to whistle. Filling her teacup with warm water she brought the cream colored cup to her lips took a sip then jumped when she heard

"Sharon?"

"Rusty? What are you doing up at this hour?" She asked taking another sip of warm tea before setting it on the counter and walking over to the boy she thought of as her son.

"I… I heard you up and I wanted to make sure you were ok," he said softly looking down at the floor. His dirty blonde hair was sleep mussed, and his sleep deprived eyes seemed greener as he was dressed in a green pajama set she had purchased for him a few weeks ago. Sharon's heart melted with love for this kid who had been dealt an unfair life.

"Oh, I'm fine Rusty. I couldn't sleep so I thought some tea might help. Would you like some?" she asked aching to draw him into her arms but afraid he would bolt.

"Sure," he replied walking towards the table where he sat on his knees on the cushions and gave her a weary smile. Bringing him his tea she sat down next to him. Taking a sip, Rusty looked at Sharon and took note of the dark circles and the tired weary look in her eyes that she couldn't quite seem to erase even when she was smiling and trying to reassure him. He felt bad. He knew she wasn't thrilled about him going on the streets but he needed to do it for their safety. He owed her that after everything she had done for him. Besides it was his fault she was in danger.

"Sharon, I'm sorry that my decision to go out there is causing you to worry," he said softly unable to look her directly in the eye. Looking over at her charge, Sharon couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes. He was so young and he was putting himself in danger and she had promised herself she would keep him safe. So many things could go wrong and the thought of him being hurt or losing him was too much.

Hearing her sudden intake of breath, Rusty looked up at her dismayed to find tears in her emerald green eyes.

"Please don't cry Sharon," he whispered his face falling.

"Oh Rusty," he murmured her voice strained as she leaned out of her chair and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Surprised, Rusty froze for a minute. He wasn't sure what to make of her sudden outburst. He had seen her close to tears before but she had always ordered him to his room or turned around so he wouldn't see them. For a brief second he almost pushed away, but this was Sharon, the woman who had taken him in, given him a safe place to live, the woman who he loved and thought of as a mother, and she was in need of comfort.

Turning slightly towards her he wrapped his arms around her and held her as her body rose and fell. He felt horrible he was the reason for her tears and at the same he was surprised to realize how nice it felt to be held by someone who loved him. He couldn't remember the last time his biological mother had given him a hug and here was Sharon, crying because she loved him so much and was worried about his safety. He knew he complained a lot and he knew he told her things he didn't mean especially when he was scared, but he would do anything to see her smile a real smile again.

Squeezing a little tighter he realized he could care less if his biological mother ever came back. He realized that Sharon was all he needed.

"I'll be ok Sharon. Detectives Sanchez and Sikes will be there along with a bunch of undercover officers. I promise I won't do anything stupid," Her response was to squeeze him tighter as the image of him laying on the ground in pain filled her mind.

After a few more minutes she slowly pulled away saying, "I wish I could be there with you to protect you,"

"You're in danger too and I couldn't stand it if you were to get hurt because of me. You're husband and children would hate me and I would hate myself," he honestly replied

"Honey, those threats mean nothing, and they're not the first threats I've had against my life,"

"You don't know for sure that this sick person won't hurt you, and I need _you_ to be safe," he told her throwing the words she used so often with him back at her.

Smiling sadly she nodded. Since he had found out about the letters written to her, his attitude and demeanor had radically changed. Instead of complaining about everything, he had become more eager to please and more compliant. He had quit complaining about the security detail and was never more than twenty feet away from her. However, Sharon had noticed the worry in his eyes ever time he looked at her. Every time she made a noise or shifted, his eyes were on her with an uncertain or concerned look. She wished with all her might that Taylor hadn't slipped up, but it was done and now she just needed this perp to come out and come out fast so they could both get on with living their lives.

"Finish your tea so you can get back to bed," she murmured sitting back in her seat emotionally and physically exhausted and a little embarrassed that she had broken down in front of him. Draining her tea she took his cup from him as he finished and set them in the dishwasher.

"Good night," she said as they both headed down the hallway towards their rooms. Pausing at her door she said,

"Rusty, I'm so sorry you saw me cry. Tears aren't what you need right now,"

Shrugging his shoulders Rusty simply said

"You truly care about me," before looking down at the floor and walking towards his bedroom.

Smiling at the realization that he understood how much she loved him, she headed inside her room closing the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

"Today is the day," was Sharon's first thought as she reached out a hand to shut off her alarm. She had set the clock early so she could cook breakfast for Rusty. She might not be able to be with him, or control the operation today, but she could make sure he had enough protein to help him through the first part of his morning.

Rolling out of bed, she arched her back and moved her neck from side to side to loosen the muscles that were stiff after a full night of tossing and turning with no sleep. Yawning she threw her bathrobe on and padded towards the kitchen surprised when the smell of bacon and eggs hit her.

"Rusty?" she asked surprised when she saw him in front of the stove a spatula in his right hand.

"Hi" he said glancing over at her before flipping the eggs.

"The water is warm if you would like some tea,"

"Thank you. What are you doing up so early honey?" she asked walking over to the cabinet to grab a mug and chose a tea bag from her vast collection.

"I couldn't sleep and I heard you up several times last night so I knew you were probably nervous about today or having a nightmare. I thought maybe you'd feel better with breakfast,"

Sharon who had reached for the teakettle smiled at his thoughtfulness at the same time frowning since she had no idea he knew about the nightmares. She was surprised sometimes at how observant and perceptive he was.

"Rusty," she began seeing the worried look in his eyes and not quite knowing what to say.

"You don't need to hide that fact from me Sharon. I've known you've been having nightmares for the past few weeks and I think they're about this police operation"

Sharon hesitated for a moment before saying,

"I didn't mean to wake you, but yes, I'm a little concerned about you being on the streets,"

"Don't be. I want to help catch this guy and I'll be surrounded by officers"

Sharon merely nodded pouring water into her mug. She didn't want to annoy him by telling him how dangerous the streets were because she knew he had experienced that at a young age. She just wished there was a different way of catching this guy that was safer.

Watching as he spooned eggs and bacon onto two plates and set them on the table along with a small bowl of fruit, she sat down with him and the duo made an effort to eat although none of them were really hungry.

. . . . . . . . . .

At the precinct, Sharon watched Rusty from behind her desk in her office. He was dressed for his part in a white beater, worn jeans that hung two inches from his waist and a grey beanie. He listened while Leut Provinsa, and Leut Flynn explained what was expected of him once they arrived at their destination.

"He'll be fine Captain," Det. Sykes said from the doorway of her office.

Sharon smiled a sad smile, her eyes filling with tears and simply nodded her head. She forced all traces of worry from her face as Rusty came in, his hands in his pocket and an unsure look on his face.

"It's time," he said looking uncomfortably at her and then at the floor.

Sharon nodded and standing up she said,

"All I'm asking is that you do you're best to stay safe. If this letter writer comes out today, let the officers handle it and don't try and be a hero. You're only job is to stand there ok,"

Nodding his head, he said, "I will" before looking her in the eyes and walking out with Det. Sykes.

. . . . . . . . 

Glancing at her watch, Sharon was dismayed to find only an hour had passed since she had last looked at it. Setting her pen down, she rubbed the spot between her eyes, and took another sip of chamomile tea hoping to calm the headache and the persistent anxiety that hadn't left since she had watched Rusty walk through the doors without her. He had been gone for almost three hours and she hadn't heard anything and it was killing her. Feeling eyes on her, she glanced up and noticed Provinsa looking at her from where he sat at his desk. Standing up, he walked towards her office,

"Captain, I could use a cup of coffee, lets go for a walk,"

Nodding her head she stood up, smoothed down her charcoal knee length skirt, and followed him. Leaving the murder room they headed down the hallway towards the break room where Provinsa poured himself a cup of coffee and offered some to her. Shaking her head with a small smile she leaned against the counter waiting to hear what he had to tell her.

"He's doing fine. Buzz text me saying they had arrested several perps but they were just solicitors, not our letter writer,"

"Please tell me they are booking them," she murmured wrapping her arms around herself. The thought of sick men coming to violate her son was not a relieving thought.

"They are," Provinsa replied soothingly.

"Listen, would it help you if we had Buzz connect the video feed to the monitor at your desk?"

"Yes," she automatically said her green eyes brightening at the idea.

"Ok, we'll have him set that up tomorrow,"

"Thank you," she replied before softly asking,

"How is Rusty handling being out on the streets?"

Provinsa just shrugged with a sad frown.

"You know how he is Captain. He's put up that wall and maybe it's for the better till this is all over,"

"I do know how he is, but emotionally he's been better. Talking to Dr. Joe has helped him and I don't want him to lose that. I'm worried this operation will become too much for him,"

"We'll monitor him and even have Dr. Joe come in to make sure he is doing ok. If you all think we need to pull him out, we'll do it. But honestly, I don't think it's going to be long till our letter writer shows,"

Smiling sadly, Sharon followed him back inside the murder room. A new case had come in and although it was difficult to concentrate on anything besides her son being used as bait, she needed to focus and close this case. Leaning against Sykes desk, she forced herself to listen as her detectives began to share their findings.

. . . . . . .

Re-reading the financial documents of their murder suspect, Sharon sighed when she realized that nothing she had read for the tenth time had actually stuck. Setting her pen down she leaned back in her chair glancing out her office window when she saw the door open and Rusty, Sykes, and Sanchez walk in. Feeling relief that he was back she stood up ready to greet him and see how he was truly doing.

Walking into the murder room she smiled as Rusty raised a hand to say hi and gave her a wary smile. He looked exhausted and subdued.

"How was it?" she asked glancing at the three of them.

Everyone shrugged but Sharon knew it hadn't been pleasant when Sanchez muttered,

"I never fully realized how many sick perverts there were wanting children out there,"

Syke's simple nodding of the head got to Sharon and putting a hand briefly on Rusty's shoulder she said,

"Come on, let's go home. We can order hamburgers on the way,"

Rusty was silent the entire car ride and at home he headed straight for the bathroom where he showered for quite awhile. During dinner he was polite but only answered Sharon's questions with short clipped answers. It bothered her and when she thought he wasn't looking she would glance over hoping to figure out his expression. She couldn't stop worrying if she was doing the right thing letting him be involved.

"Stop it" Rusty said out of the blue and Sharon turned to look at him.

"Stop what?"

"Stop worrying. I know you Sharon. I'm fine. Nothing happened. I just don't want to talk about it,"

"Would it help to talk to Dr. Joe?"

Sighing he looked down at his barely touched hamburger.

"Maybe,"

. . . . . . . .

The next couple of days went by uneventfully. Sharon monitored Rusty's every move on the street from her desk. She felt better seeing what he was experiencing. It never failed to surprise and sicken her the number of men that approached him. Each time though it turned out they were not the man the group was hoping to find.

Rusty seemed to be holding up, but each day Sharon noticed a weariness in his eyes. It was the same look of distrust and caution she had encountered when he had first started living with her. Even though he hadn't said he wanted to talk to him, she had extended an invitation to Dr. Joe for later this week so he could give his honest opinion on how he was really doing. She could only imagine the memories it was bringing up for Rusty and she knew he refused to tell her that part of his life.

Leaving her office to get an update on her squad's progress, she was surprised when she returned to find Sanchez and several other officers pulling a man off her son. Rusty struggled to sit up and Sharon noticed blood flowing from a cut near his eye.

"Leut Provinsa!" she yelled in horror, her body going into autopilot as she stood up, grabbing her purse and keys.

"Captain?" He asked with a confused look. In her office he glanced at his superior officer's panic stricken face and then the monitor. Pulling out his phone as it began to ring he listened briefly.

" Thank you Buzz we'll be there soon," turning to the Captain he said,

"He's ok. Det. Sykes is taking him to General Mercy Hospital. He needs stitches, has a black eye and a busted lip,"

The look on Sharon's face told him everything he needed to know.

"I'll drive,"

On the way to the hospital, Sharon alternated between anger and fear.

"This shouldn't have happened," she repeated over and over blaming herself for allowing him to participate.

Leut. Provinsa remained silent knowing nothing he said could make her feel better at this time. He had a feeling it was going to take some serious coaxing for him to persuade Sharon to allow Rusty to continue.

At the hospital, Det. Sykes took Sharon to where Rusty lay on the bed.

"I'm fine," he automatically said when he saw her, but didn't pull away when Sharon sat on the white sterile bed next to him and wrapped her arms around him. While waiting for his discharge papers she told Provinsa and the crew in no uncertain terms that he was not going back out tomorrow. Provinsa sighed but nodded his head. Once she was out of earshot, he turned to the team of undercover cops saying

"What the hell happened? Do you have any idea how long its going to take me to convince her to let him back out?"

"It just happened so fast," one of the younger detectives said rubbing the top of his head.

"We need to figure out a new plan. This can't happen again,"

"I've got to drive them back to the precinct, so let's meet in our conference room by seven. Amy find out everything you can about this guy. Hopefully it's our 'old friend' and there won't be any convincing to do,"

. . . . . .

Back in the safety of their home, Sharon ordered in a pizza and poured herself a glass of Riesling. Rusty lay silently on the couch an ice pack on his right eye. It was practically swollen shut and she winced knowing he had to be in pain.

" Are you ok? Is there anything I can get you?"

"You can let me back out on the streets tomorrow so I can catch that guy,"

"Out of the question. You are not going back out there until a new plan is made that would guarantee your safety,"

"But Sharon, I wasn't badly hurt," he whined sitting up onto his elbows and taking off the ice pack.

"A mild concussion, a black eye that is nearly swollen shut a busted lip and 10 stitches is no small injury young man," she replied bitterly.

"Well living our lives with the fear that someone could harm us, isn't exactly small either," he replied wincing in pain as he lay back against the couch pillow.

Sharon frowned at his pain but remained silent. She knew what he said was true and she wished more than once that she could be the person to trap this guy. Once Rusty was safely in bed, she called Leut. Provinsa and they discussed safer ways to supervise Rusty when he was out on the street. Sharon agreed to think about allowing him back out in a few days once she was sure the mild concussion was not a problem.

.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. . . .. ..

The moment Sharon and Rusty walked into the precinct the next day, Sharon spotted both Chief Taylor and DDA Rios in her office. Sighing, she told Rusty to stay with the squad, straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath and prayed she would have the courage to deal with whatever was about to come her way.

"Good morning," she said with a polite smile as she set her purse in her desk drawer and sat down.

"How come no one told me about the incident that put my material witness in the hospital!? I told you this was not a good idea," Rios started.

"We need to call off this police stunt immediately before he gets really injured, or worse lying on a table in the morgue"

"We're this close to catching this creep," Taylor replied holding up a plastic sheet with another letter inside. Rios moaned out loud while Sharon swallowed hard feeling the start of a headache on the temporal side of her head.

"What does it say?" she asked her eyes falling on Rusty who was having his purple and swollen face examined by a sympathetic Leut. Flynn.

"Dear Sharon, Take the time to enjoy your last few precious days with Rusty. Sincerely an old friend."

Closing her eyes Sharon said, "He can't go back out there. This guy wants to kill him,"

Rios nodded her head in agreement. Her forehead creased with worry.

"He needs to be out there. We're so close to taking this guy down,"

"Look how much damage was done to him yesterday from someone who hasn't been threatening him for months. This guy writing the letters won't just beat him up Chief," Sharon replied clasping her hands together and bringing them to her lips something she did whenever she was worried.

"The only thing keeping Phillip in jail is Rusty. If we lose him, Phillip walks," Rios argued.

The three argued back and forth finally agreeing, since Rusty was nearly of legal age to let him decide. Standing up Sharon opened her office door calling him. He dutifully came over hoping he was not in trouble.

"How are you feeling?" Taylor asked.

Rusty merely shrugged and Taylor launched directly into the letter and what he would like to do. All eyes were on him after Taylor stopped speaking.

Sighing, he looked around the room.

"You all know what I'd like to do. Let's just catch this guy."

"Rusty, what if you die? Did you ever think of that? He'll walk." Emma said frustrated.

"Seriously? Don't you think I know that? It's not just me who is receiving threatening letters anymore. This guy is also targeting Sharon. I'm tired of living in a constant state of fear, wondering if today is the day this guy is going to come after one of us. I'd rather face him dead on and deal with it,"

Sharon couldn't help but smile at his tenacity and braveness.

Sighing, Emma nodded her head knowing he was right. It sucked and whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was growing fond of the kid. He wasn't so bad, he was just dealing with life as any teenager who was under lock and key and being threatened would.

"We'll discuss this more tomorrow. I agree with the captain that you should take the next few days off," with that Taylor left, leaving Emma, Sharon and Rusty.

"How is your head?" Sharon asked as Emma gathered her bags and followed Taylor out.

"Still hurts," Rusty replied with a shrug. He didn't like it when Sharon was too worried about him.

"You can have more Advil in another hour," she replied as he nodded his head and exited her office, heading to his cubicle where she knew he would pull out his chess board.

. . . . . . . .

Several hours later after interrogating a suspect in their current case, dealing with a few minor emergencies, and talking to their suspect's attorney, Sharon was ready to head home. Thanking her squad for a job well done, she headed towards her office to gather her stuff before getting Rusty.

"Captain, may I speak to you?" Flynn asked

"Sure," she replied turning to face him.

"I just wanted to know how you were doing? You never wanted Rusty to go out on the streets, he was injured yesterday and we all know how much you care for him"

Sharon's shoulders sagged.

"I'm coping,"

Dropping her gaze to the floor so he couldn't see the pain she knew was in her eyes, Sharon was surprised when he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. She hesitated for a moment shocked before reciprocating the gesture.

"I've known you for a long time Sharon, and I know when you're not ok. Rusty will be fine. If it'll give you comfort, I'll make sure I'm stationed close to him. All of us love that kid as much as we love you."

Sharon nodded her head trying not to cry.

"I'm so worried Andy. I've been having nightmares about cradling his dead body after the action goes wrong. I love him like he was one of my own"

Andy nodded holding her tighter knowing she needed the comfort.

"Those are just anxiety dreams. I think you both need a break from this. How about I come over with Chinese take out and a comedy. It'll liven up the mood and maybe take both your minds off catching this guy.

Pulling away Sharon nodded her head.

"That sounds nice Andy. Just let me know when you are stopping by so I can inform the security detail,"

"seven sound good?"

"Sounds like a deal," she replied with the first real smile she'd had in months.

Andy's impromptu arrangement was exactly what the little family needed. Sharon was relieved to see Rusty laugh. She had only seen that once since he had started living with her. To see him completely relaxed made her smile and wonder what his personality would have been like if he'd had a mother who cared, hadn't abandoned him, and of course if he wasn't a witness. Sharon for her part felt relaxed in a way she hadn't since the letters had started coming in.

Leaning her head against the chair she was sitting in, she felt herself begin to doze off watching Rusty's interact with Andy. She wasn't sure how long she was out, but a hand on her shoulder caused her to wake.

"Sharon, How about you go to bed," Rusty said gently.

"You need to get some sleep too," she replied standing up and groaning at the stiffness in her limbs.

"I am," he said with a carefree smile that warmed Sharon to the core.

Walking Andy to the door, Sharon gave him a hug thanking him for such a pleasurable evening.

"Any time Sharon. Listen, if you all are in need of more evenings like this, just ask. The team and I are all here for you,"

Nodding her head she watched him leave grateful for such a great squad.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to all who have reviewed or added this story to their follow list. I appreciate it! As a warning this chapter has some violence and it talks about abuse.

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Two weeks. It had been two full weeks since Rusty and the team had started going out on the streets and there was absolutely no glimpse of this guy. Sure, the streets were slowly becoming safer from the amount of people arrested after soliciting Rusty, but the reason for this entire operation just wasn't being played out. It was stressful for everyone involved, particularly Sharon and Rusty. The team had noticed more tension than usual between them. When questioned, Sharon had tried to play it off saying he was just tired from being on the streets most of the day, but she knew it was more than that. She knew he was remembering abuse situations. He was morose, quit talking to her and spent most of the evening in his bedroom. It was as though this mission was reverting him back to being the, angry fifteen- year- old he was when she first met him.

On top of all that, although their letter writer refused to show up during the police operation, he continued to send letters every two to three days; each new one worse than the previous. The latest, was particularly frightening and varied from the others being almost a page in length and detailing Rusty's death in a graphic, manner. It took every inch of will power to not pull him immediately from the streets after Chief Taylor showed it to her.

Since her evenings were now filled with silence since Rusty kept to his bedroom, she tortured herself, photocopying the letters and bringing them home to read over and over while trying to figure this guy out. What was his personality? Why was he writing these letters? Was he simply a lowlife who was fulfilling a favor for Phillip after a stint in jail? Could he possibly be one of Rusty's mom's dangerous ex-boyfriends? Was this guy an old client of Rusty's? Was there a possibility he could be a hired hit killer just waiting for the perfect time to strike? The thought that scared her the most was the possibility that this man was an officer who was acquainted with the case. It was a horrifying thought but Sharon had worked in FID long enough to know that some cops only chose this field for the power and were just as crooked as the criminals they put away.

Curling up on the couch, Sharon fought sleep as she read the fifteenth letter, forcing her mind to profile this guy. It had been a particularly horrible day and she knew she should be drinking a glass of wine and relaxing but she just couldn't, not after what happened. Closing her eyes she couldn't block out the memory of Rusty rushing into the precinct, his green eyes filled with tears as he yelled that he was done. He wasn't going out there anymore. She had walked towards him to offer him comfort and he had hurled all his hurt and anger at her. She knew he hadn't meant what he said, that she had merely been the target of whatever had triggered him, but the words "You aren't my mother," had cut her to the core.

Leut. Provinsa had offered to talk to him, but she had silently shook her head, walking down the hall to the restroom where she had cried. He was right, she wasn't his mother, although in every way possible she felt like she was. She selfishly wished he would give her up, realize that what she was willing to offer was more than his own mother could or would ever give him. She understood where he was coming from though. It might have been a really crappy childhood, and his mother might have been a horrible woman to him, but it was the only childhood he knew and she suspected there were probably good memories laced in between the bad that kept him hoping she'd come back for him.

Yawning, she laid her head back against the couch and closed her eyes, telling herself she could only rest for a minute. She still needed to focus on reviewing a work report, and hide the letters from Rusty. Her mind traveled briefly to the boy who was still in his room. She had no idea if he would change his mind and participate in the police action tomorrow or if he had reached his limit and was truly done. No matter what though, she wanted to be as supportive and understanding as she could in the morning. Her tired body had other plans though and her one minute mini nap turned into thirty minutes then two hours.

Opening the door to his bedroom, Rusty winced when he realized Sharon was still up. He needed to apologize somehow, tell her how sorry he was about what he said today. He was ashamed by the words that had spewed from his mouth. He really did think of her as a mother figure, he had just had no idea how to inform her that he hadn't meant it. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself towards the living room in the hopes of trying to repair the damage he had done. Hopefully she didn't hate him for what he said. He didn't know wh,y when he could really use her comfort, he snapped at her and told her horrible things he didn't mean.

Completing the rest of his walk- of- shame into the living room, he was surprised to find her asleep on the couch, papers dangling from her hand. Unsure of whether he should wake her up or leave her, he decided to at least cover her up with the blanket she always snuggled with when they were watching movies. Grabbing it from the back of the chair, he walked over gently covering her when he saw that the papers he thought were related to her newest case were actually the handwritten letters.

Anxiety, followed by curiosity, overcame him and he decided he needed to know how bad they were. Gently abstracting them from her hand, he brought them over to the table, quickly flipping through the ones he had read and settled on the newer ones. The first dozen were just like the ones that were written to him. A few short lines threatening Sharon, threatening him, letting them know he was waiting for them and would kill them. The last three however caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand up.

"You'll know my wrath when you see Rusty laying there, split in half from sternum to pelvis…."

"What will Rusty do, dear Sharon, when he finds you lying dead in the gutter?"

Swallowing against the bile he felt creep up his throat, he thought about the last line asking what he would do if she was dead. The thought had crossed his mind a few times once he realized she was being threatened, it was why he had made the deal that she couldn't go with them but once a week, and then she had to stay in the van. Reading the graphic nature of these letters brought back a memory he had hoped to never bring up again. It reminded him of one of his mother's ex-boyfriends, the most dangerous one in his opinion. The man had seemed different at first. He was sweet and supportive. He had started coming over in the evenings talking with them and playing games with him. His mother had changed. She became happy, hadn't gotten high and had actually been a good mother, cooking, and caring for him.

That all changed the day he moved in. The man was perceptive, and could figure out one's greatest shame and fears. He was a master at mind games and he used them over and over to torture him and his mother. After discovering his mother had been kicked out of her house at the age of seventeen for getting pregnant, he began to talk about how difficult it must have been for her. With a snap of his fingers he could bring her into a trance where she would literally re-live the moment. Instead of just having her go through it once, he would have her re-live it over and over, sometimes moving from one bad memory to the next till she was sobbing in the fetal position on the floor. Rusty would be forced to watch in shame as his mother would repeat how she hadn't wanted him, had hoped she would miscarry, how much of a burden she was on him, and how different her life would be without him. The man would then turn to him with a twinkle in his eye saying,

"See Rusty, you aren't wanted. It's your fault she's a messed up drug addict,"

It turned out that this man, Paul, had been a licensed psychotherapist, until several fellow doctors had become suspicious of the amount of patient suicides he had and did an investigation. Paul turned out to be a psychopath who thrived off mentally torturing his patients typically to their death. He had been convicted in court and had gone to prison but escaped. Two month after he had started living with Rusty and his mother, he had been recognized on the streets and the cops had come to Rusty's house to haul him back to jail.

It hadn't mattered much after that though, the damage had been done and Rusty's mother had gone further off the deep end. A few months after that, a new abusive boyfriend had moved in and the rest was history.

Rusty wiped a couple of tears away. These letters could just be mind games, like his mother and himself had endured, or it could be the real deal, but one thing for certain was, he couldn't live without Sharon. He knew the answer to the last question Dr. Joe had asked him. If his mother were to come back tomorrow for him, he would not go with her. She never loved him, she had wanted him dead. She hadn't cared what kind of boyfriend she had brought into the house. She hadn't cared if there was food for him to eat, and then she had left him to fend for himself to be with that ass and to get high.

This thought alone was what made him decide he needed to continue with this police operation. He didn't want to go back out there, he was tired, but if it meant that this guy would be caught, he would continue, for Sharon's sake. He didn't want her to read any more of these horrible letters.

A strangled whimper followed by a cry from the direction of the couch caused him to jump. Rushing over to Sharon he was surprised when she suddenly sat straight up yelling

"No! Rusty!"

"Sharon! Sharon its ok!" he said putting a hand on her arm hoping to wake her from the sleep trance she seemed to be in.

Still not fully present, she threw off the blanket launched herself off the couch and with a sob threw her arms around him squeezing tight.

Unsure of what he should do, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her and tried his best to comfort her.

"It's just a dream Sharon," he said as she squeezed him tightly before letting him go.

"I'm sorry…." She said her voice shaky as she sank onto the couch clutching her hands together.

"No, I'm sorry," he replied seeing the pain in her eyes and knowing the nightmare she had experienced was probably the result of those letters.

Turning her head and looking at the wall she worked on calming herself down. When she was ready she finally turned to look at him and said,

"You have nothing to be sorry about,"

"Yes, I do. At the precinct when I said that, I didn't mean it. I was just angry because this guy, out on the streets well, he was one of my…." He trailed off embarrassed to be telling her about his past life.

Sharon gave him a sympathetic gaze and waited patiently while he finished,

"He was a regular. He paid me extra for…. certain things and when I saw him, it just brought all that up. I should have known I'd see some people I knew,"

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Sharon smiled at him sadly.

"Anyway, I'm sorry for taking it out on you,"

"I know, and I'm sorry you had to see someone who abused you,"

Silence came between the two of them. Then Rusty said

"Did your nightmare have anything to do with those letters?"

Anxiety flowed through Sharon as her eyes widened and she jumped up looking for the copies she had completely forgotten about.

"They're on the table, I read them," he said softly.

The little bit of color that was left in Sharon's face faded. Putting a hand to her face she gently rubbed her forehead, feeling stupid and irresponsible for falling asleep with them.

"You weren't supposed to read those," she finally said, her voice eerily calm and very low.

"Sharon, those new letters….."

She waited, wondering how freaked out he was going to be.

"They remind me of someone. I need to tell you but, I'd like Dr. Joe here when I do,"


	4. Chapter 4

Standing up, Sharon gave Rusty's shoulder a gentle squeeze, nodded at Dr. Joe and walked out of her office. She couldn't believe it, they might finally have their first clue as to who was behind the threats.

"Everything ok Captain?" Provinsa asked worriedly. Dr. Joe, Rusty and Sharon had been in the office for over an hour and Rusty was still in there.

"We might have a break through on who our letter writer is. Det Sanchez and Det Sykes, I want everything you can find on Dr. Paul Davenport. He has a record and should be in jail,"

"Was he one of Rusty's clients?" Det Tao asked.

"He was one of his mother's abusive ex-boyfriends," Sharon replied walking down the hallway towards the elevators. After calling Dr. Joe and scheduling a meeting with him last night, she had called Chief Taylor and Emma Rios informing them of the new development with Rusty and the letters and scheduling a meeting with them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"So Rusty believes the person behind the threats could be this Dr. Davenport?" Chief Taylor asked.

"I know a little about that case. The man caused over nine people to commit suicide in his four year stint as a psychotherapist. He is good at figuring out who is susceptible to becoming hypnotized, then uses mind games against them to get what he wants. It's how he escaped the first time; hypnotized one of the prison guards while he was in seclusion," Emma replied with a sigh.

"I have my team finding everything they can about him. If there is a chance he's the letter writer and is either writing the letters to mess with Rusty or if he is doing Phillip a favor, we'll discover it and take advantage of it,"

"Keep me informed of everything," Taylor replied dismissing the meeting.

Waiting for the elevators, Emma said "I don't want to scare you Captain, but if it is Paul, you might have bigger problems. He's extremely cunning, and can find information in ways you've never thought of. If he wants to hurt either Rusty or you, he'll have no problems doing so,"

Looking Emma dead in the eyes Sharon said,

"If it is him, I can guarantee you, I'll do everything in my power to keep Rusty and I safe no matter what it takes,"

Emma stared at her then finally nodded. She knew Sharon meant what she said. She just didn't know if it would be enough.

"Please keep me informed of anything you discover about him," Emma replied as the elevator opened and she stepped inside pressing the down button to the parking garage.

Back in the murder room Sharon glanced over at her office surprised to see Dr. Joe was still in there with Rusty. Rusty looked worn out and Sharon felt for him. Neither of them received much sleep last night and then he spent his morning discussing and re-living one of the worst two months of his life. The abuse he went through always surprised Sharon. It seemed like his childhood was comprised of one horrible thing after the other. She wished she could have been able to rescue him a long time ago.

"Captain!" Amy said her voice urgent.

Turning, Sharon walked towards Amy's desk.

"Dr. Davenport escaped from prison yesterday. The prison warden, once I asked about him, admitted it. The local police are still on the lookout for him and they are about to release the information to the public, but so far there have been no sightings of him,"

Sharon froze her eyes widening as she wrapped her arms around herself.

"This guy, he's definitely bad news Captain," Julio replied walking over to them.

"The ways in which his victims committed suicide were horrible. I'm won't go into detail, but it's all in the report I printed. Oh and Captain, he knew Phillip. They were childhood friends,"

Sharon's stomach did summersaults. There was no doubt in her mind now that he was their letter writer and with him out of prison it meant Rusty was in danger,"

"Oh God," she said putting a hand to her mouth and looking back at the office.

"I'm sending officers over to your condo," Andy said grabbing his phone.

"Captain, what do you need us to do?" Provinsa softly asked seeing the wild almost panicky look in her eyes.

"Tao could you please inform DDA Rios and Chief Taylor of our latest development. Provinsa, I'd like you to come with me to inform Rusty and Dr. Joe,"

Taking a deep breath, Sharon grounded herself and catching Dr. Joe's eyes in the window, walked towards her office, Provinsa in tow.


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Thanks again for all the reviews!

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Rusty knew something was wrong when Sharon, followed by Provinsa, walked into her office. Sharon appeared calm but her eyes had an intense worried look in them and Provinsa didn't appear much better.

"What's going on?" he slowly asked caution in his eye.

Giving both him and Dr. Joe a strained smile she sat in a vacant chair, Provinsa hovering nearby.

"Rusty, we did more research on Dr. Davenport. He grew up with Phillip," Sharon said.

Rusty was silent for a moment while he processed what was said.

"So, you're saying I'm right, that he is the one writing the letters,"

"There is a good possibility that is the case," Provinsa replied.

"Well that's a good thing then. He's in prison, he can't physically hurt us,"

Sharon breathed in deeply looking over at Provinsa for a second before looking at him,

"While Det Sykes and Det Sanchez were researching him, it was discovered that he escaped from prison yesterday,"

The look on Rusty's face broke her heart. It was a mixture of disbelief and fear.

"Of course he would escape," he muttered staring at the wall.

"Could I read his file?" Dr. Joe asked hoping he could be of some assistance. Sharon nodded asking Provinsa to bring it for him.

"So, now what do we do? Do I go back out on the streets, see if he comes for me?"

"I'm not sure Rusty. If Dr. Davenport is the person writing these letters, he's more dangerous than we anticipated. I'll want the opinion of Dr. Joe, and we'll see what Chief Taylor and Emma say,"

Rusty stared at her then Dr. Joe, before rising and walking towards the window in the back of the office that overlooked the city. Dr. Joe looked at him sadly then turned his attention to Provinsa as he walked in holding the file.

. . . . . . . . .

That night, Rusty tossed and turned unable to shut the day off. The meeting that followed the discovery that Paul had escaped was tense and hadn't produced any results. Everyone was upset and on edge. Emma had insisted they immediately place Rusty in the witness protection program, Leut. Provinsa thought they should put him out on the streets with more undercover officers, and Chief Taylor was on the fence between the two ideas. Sharon only wanted what was best for him and he hadn't said a word unsure of what to do. Dr. Davenport scared him more than he was willing to admit to anyone. He honestly didn't know how he would handle seeing him again. The only thing he was sort of looking forward to was to hear how Dr. Joe thought he should handle this new development. They had made an appointment for early the next morning.

Realizing sleep was not in the near future, he threw off the covers and headed down the hallway towards the kitchen. He wanted to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake Sharon or alert the extra security guards that were stationed right outside their door. Sitting on the chair closest to the window, he stared out into the dark. Everything looked so peaceful outside and he wondered if anyone else was feeling the same turmoil he was.

After hearing Paul had escaped he'd been tempted to run away. Sharon was in just as much danger as he was, and it was his fault, well he and his mothers, for introducing this creep into their lives. At least if he was gone, maybe Paul would come after him, and leave Sharon out of this. But, he didn't think he could stand to see the disappointed look on Sharon's face, the squads, or Dr. Joes, and he knew that Chief Taylor had warned him if he ran away again, he would be placed in the witness protection program.

Sniffling as tears filled his eyes, he bowed his head. He hated crying, thought it made him look weak, but this situation was just so messed up and he felt so overwhelmed. What had he ever done to deserve this?

Feeling like he was out of control, Rusty began to sob, his body heaving and a cry like the sound of a wounded animal escaping from somewhere deep inside him. All of the years of feeling abandoned by his mother, the pain of being beaten by her random boyfriends, the shame of having to sell himself on the streets, the fear of being killed or having Sharon die, as well as the confusion of finally having someone who loved and cared for him came pouring out. He wasn't aware of Sharon rushing into the living room or her telling the security guards they were fine. He barely remembered her sitting next to him and putting her arms around him. He did however remember her small gasp as he turned and flung his arms around her laying his head on her shoulder as he cried. He did remember her gently rocking holding him tighter and telling him everything would be ok. He did also remember feeling a few of her tears fall onto his cheek.


	6. Chapter 6

Rusty woke to see the sun shining through the slightly opened blinds in his window. Feeling puzzled, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand and was surprised that it was close to ten. He rarely ever slept in since Sharon was often called out to crime scenes and always had to be at work early. A panicky feeling overtook him as the events of the early morning hours hit him. Did Sharon hate him for his spontaneous crying spell? His own mother, the one time he had cried, had looked at him in disapproval telling him crying was only for babies. Jumping out of bed, his heart pounding, he rushed to the living room where he saw Sharon and Dr. Joe drinking warm beverages at the table. Sharon was dressed casually in jeans and a blue sweater. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and although she had dark circles under her eyes she smiled at him warmly.

"Sharon, what's going on? Why are we still here? Dr. Joe what are you doing here?"

"Good morning Rusty. I made pancakes if you would like some. I figured we both needed some time off, so I rescheduled our meeting with Chief Taylor and Dr. Joe offered to come here so you can talk to him when or if you are ready,"

Still a little uncertain Rusty said,

"We're staying home today? You're not mad at me for last night?"

Sharon's eyebrows narrowed in concern and she tilted her head a little as she looked at him.

"Yes, we're staying here today and why would I be mad at you for last night?"

Rusty looked back and forth between Sharon and Dr. Joe, both wore the same look of concern.

"It's just…. I cried…. loudly. I woke you up and concerned the security guards. I made your shirt wet…. You're not angry at me?"

Sharon's eyes glistened with tears as she shook her head.

"You're not even disappointed or think I'm a baby?"

"Oh honey, no. I think you are brave. Crying doesn't make you a baby, it's just the body's way of dealing with pent up emotions,"

"Oh," he said looking at the ground shyly.

Glancing at Dr. Joe, who nodded his head encouragingly, Sharon stood up and walked closer to him. Rusty would you like me to heat up your breakfast or leave you alone to talk to Dr. Joe?"

After a few moments Rusty with his eyes on Dr. Joe said,

"I'd like to get out of my pajamas and into regular clothes if you don't mind,"

"Absolutely. I'll be here when you are ready," Dr. Joe replied, casually taking a sip of his coffee lightly sweetened with organic brown sugar.

It didn't take Rusty long to change, and when he arrived, Sharon placed a plate of pancakes and seasonal fruit in front of him along with hot chocolate. She turned to leave when he reached a hand out stopping her.

"You can stay, if you want,"

Sharon glanced over at Dr. Joe who nodded. Trying not to make a big deal out of his gesture, she sat down and remained quiet, allowing Dr. Joe to start.

It was an intense but good session. Rusty opened up sharing his feelings on being part of a police action. He admitted it was harder than he expected being out on the streets, especially after Dr. Joe had told him what those men did to him was rape. He ended with how frustrated he was with his mother, and how difficult it was at times to know how much Sharon loved him.

"I just feel I don't deserve your love," He said looking at his foster mom.

Sharon swallowed against the lump in her throat. She never thought she'd see the day where he willingly shared his feelings. She was so proud of him. He had grown so much in the past few months. He still had a way to go with his anger spurts, but she had faith he would get through that as well.

Looking between Rusty and Sharon, Dr. Joe nodded his head,

"This was a really good session Rusty," he said grabbing his bag.

"One last thing before I leave. You deserve to be loved. Remember that,"

Then with a smile towards the pair he walked to the door, Sharon rising to escort him out.

The rest of the afternoon, Sharon and Rusty spent time watching comedies, baking chocolate chip cookies, and in the evening they both decided to chill out in the front room. Sharon was reading one of the books she had purchased and never had time to read, and Rusty was playing chess with the computer when her cell phone rang.

Setting her book on the coffee table, she reached for the phone and looked down at the screen to see if she recognized the number. Rusty watched her frown and then standing up she walked towards her bedroom to answer it. He wondered who it was and after a minute he walked down the hallway with the pretense of needing something from his bedroom. He stopped abruptly when he realized her door was open. Standing in the corner where she couldn't see him, he observed her knowing something was wrong by the way she kept massaging her left temple and pushing her hair behind her ear. Having a feeling it had to do with Paul, he slowly crept back to the couch, where he lay down. She would tell him, but it was difficult after such a great day with her. He comforted himself with the thought that the sooner they caught him, the sooner their lives would go back to the way it used to be.

"What does this letter say?" Sharon asked trying to remain professional although she knew it had to be bad for Chief Taylor to call her.

"I'm sorry Sharon, but I've warned you. Your precious time with him is done," Chief Taylor read.

"That's it? That's all he wrote?" she asked feeling sick. Standing up, she paced back and forth in an effort to relieve the panic she was feeling.

"We're taking this letter more seriously than the others," Taylor replied.

"Det Sanchez has offered to stay the night on guard in your condo. I also have undercover officers canvassing your neighborhood. If Paul, or whatever his name is, tries to harm Rusty or you tonight, he'll be caught. I know you're going to object to this, but I'm setting up another operation for Rusty tomorrow,"

"Sir!"

"Before you get too upset, the streets are going to be crawling with undercover officers. I personally think this guy is too smart to attack at your condo or even during our normal undercover mission. But, if we put a news report out with Rusty's picture saying he has disappeared and the police are asking for any information regarding him, I'm sure this guy will go looking,"

"Chief, I highly doubt that will work. From everything I've read, and Rusty has told me, he's intelligent. He'll know, or at least strongly suspect, what we're up to,"

"Well it's either this or you can wait for him to strike and who knows where or when that'll be. I just figured it would be better if we proactively draw him out with officers available and ready to take him down than say at the grocery store when you're by yourself. But, I'm open for suggestions,"

Sighing, Sharon ran a hand through her hair. "I have no suggestions Chief. This guy is a mystery to me. I wish more than anything though that this whole situation had never started in the first place. I wish that Rusty could just live here, go to school, and attend that chess club he loves so much,"

"I wish that too Captain, but we've got to deal with the present circumstances. Besides once we catch him both your lives will return to normal. I expect you all by seven tomorrow morning,"

"Yes, sir," she replied hanging up the phone and setting it on the bed. Letting out a frustrated groan she lay on the comforter, something she never did for fear of dirtying it. She was so sick and tired of this guy ruining their lives. Today had been a perfect day and he had opened up to her. She had no idea how he was going to take being told he had to go back out and be used as bait again. Sitting up, she was surprised to see him standing a few feet from her door.

"Sharon?" Rusty asked cautiously.

"Was that someone from the team?"

Sharon nodded. "Chief Taylor called Rusty. Another letter was delivered to the precinct. He thinks if we put your picture on the news saying that the police were looking into your disappearance and wanted any information regarding your whereabouts, and then put you back out on the streets, we can catch Paul,"

Rusty nodded unsurprised.

"I am so sorry that we keep putting you out there. I know its emotionally draining,"

"It's fine. Let's just catch this guy," he said and Sharon watched with a sinking heart as his face turned blank and with a nod he walked to his bedroom. Grabbing one of the many decorative pillows on her bed, she sank back and held it close to her. She knew sleep was going to be hard to come by tonight.

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Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed or is following this story. Happy Holidays!


	7. Chapter 7

As promised, Sharon and Rusty were in Chief Taylor's office by seven am sharp. Both looked exhausted, with dark circles under their eyes. They both remained quiet as Emma paced around agitated, gesturing wildly with her arms and objecting to everything Taylor or Provinsa suggested.

Dr. Joe sat in the corner, smirking at how dramatic she was acting. Every once and awhile he'd roll his eyes at Rusty in order to put the nervous kid at ease. Rusty couldn't help but smirk back. It really would have been comical if he wasn't directly involved.

"I can't believe you put his picture on the news. I sure hope your idea works," Emma continued practically yelling.

"If it isn't this Dr. Davenport, well you just put my only witness in major danger"

"Listen Emma, it's the only way to catch this guy," Chief Taylor patiently said looking annoyed.

"No, there is another way. To put him immediately in that boarding school I suggested. I'm sure, if Rusty is out of sight, this guy will back off,"

Hearing the words boarding school, Rusty jumped out of his chair. He was done being threatened with being placed in the witness protection program.

"Enough!" He yelled as everyone turned to look at him.

" I am NOT going into the witness protection program. I am doing everything you all have asked of me. I am dealing with security guards following me all day, I am taking school online, I was evaluated by a therapist and have even seen him on my own time. I haven't run away since you've asked me not to, and I even went out on the street to help catch this guy,"

Sharon and Dr. Joe shared a small smile as he talked primarily to Emma.

"I know it's dangerous, but I am tired of my life being ruled by this crazy doctor guy. I am going out on the streets today Emma, in the hopes that Paul shows up and we catch him. I just want my life back!"

Emma stared at him, surprised when he stared straight in her eyes, never breaking eye contact.

"Fine you all win. But, you only have yourselves to blame if something happens and Phillip is released from prison," Grabbing her purse, she stormed out of Chief Taylor's office.

"Wow," Provinsa muttered when she was gone.

"Let's just get back to business," Chief Taylor said reaching for the bottle of Advil in his top desk drawer and popping two in his mouth.

Thirty minutes later and details were mapped out. Provinsa was going to inform the undercover officers, Leut. Flynn, and Det. Sykes.

"I have one request," Sharon said

"What would that be?"

"I want to be there,"

"No, absolutely not!" Rusty yelled fear in his eyes.

"Yes, I'll stay in the van with Buzz, I just need to be there,"

Taylor was silent for a moment while he thought about the request.

"Fine," he said dismissing the group.

In the hallway, Rusty immediately began to protest Sharon's attendance.

"Rusty, if it were me being used as bait for a potentially dangerous criminal, wouldn't you want to be there?"

Sighing, Rusty nodded his head and Sharon gently squeezed his arm.

"Promise me you'll stay in the van?" Rusty asked raising his head, light green eyes looking into dark green ones.

"I'll be in the van. Promise me you'll stay as safe as possible. No heroics,"

Rusty nodded his head with a slight smile, which Sharon returned.

Within an hour the duo headed outside, walking towards the van that would take them to the street corner. Inside, Sharon listened to Leut Flynn giving orders on last minute changes to their plans before everyone piled out and headed to their rides.

"You up for another day Rusty?" Leut. Flynn asked as he started the van's engine and eased into traffic.

Rusty nodded and Sharon prepared herself for a long day of sitting and nervously watching. She hoped this man made an appearance. She couldn't wait for all this to be over.

Sharon thought she was fully prepared for this mission. She knew that men were going to hit on her son, but she hadn't been prepared for the sheer amount. Within the first two hours the team arrested half a dozen. It literally made her sick and she wondered once again if she had made the best decision allowing him on this mission.

Turning her head from the monitors she closed her eyes in disgust seeing the sympathetic look from Buzz when she opened them.

"Its sick and disturbing," he blandly said and Sharon nodded.

"I only attended the operation once last week and very few men showed. Has it been this way the entire time? " she trailed off her voice lower than normal.

Buzz nodded. "On the bright side, these men are all being booked,"

Sharon merely hummed then turned her attention back to the screen. She stared at her son's face, his hardened eyes, if you looked carefully, held hurt and a little bit of betrayal. She understood a little more what his life must have been like on the streets.

"When does he get a break?" She asked

"Another hour," Buzz replied.

Glancing at the monitor again, Sharon inwardly groaned as another man walked up the sidewalk.

"We've got another one. He's about six feet, muscular, early forties, white with black hair and a black goatee. He's wearing black slacks, and a buttoned down white shirt," Sykes said over the radio.

"Copy that," one of the undercover cops named Jason said.

Sharon stilled, focusing directly on the man's image on the screen in front of her. Rusty slouched putting on a dull bored look. Something nagged at the back of Sharon's unconscious and blinking her weary eyes she stared harder at their potential perp. As he strode closer to her son, Sharon knew this was the one they were looking for. He had dyed his hair, and he appeared more muscular than the mug shot they had of him, but he acted differently than the other perps who only wanted Rusty for sex. They had all been nervous, looking around for cops or anyone who could possibly ID them. This man was confidant. His eyes were focused on Rusty and Rusty only.

Sharon saw her son tense and she knew he recognized him as well. She knew she should stay in the van. Members of her team were only seconds away from Rusty, but the nightmare of him lying on the ground dying held such a grip on her the only thing she could think of was getting to him. Grabbing her gun she checked to see if it was loaded, grabbed the radio telling her team she was 99.9% sure this was Dr. Paul Davenport then reached for the handle of the van.

"Where are you going?" Buzz asked nervously. "You're supposed to stay in the van,"

"This is my son Buzz. I need to protect him from this creep," With that she tore off in the direction of Rusty and the doctor.

"Sharon! What the hell are you doing? Get back in that van," she heard Leut Flynn yell through the microphone in her ear, but she ignored him. She had one goal in mind, to protect her son from this monster who she knew without a doubt was going to try and kill him.

Creeping up closer behind the man, she pulled her gun determined to shoot him if he pulled a weapon of any kind out of his pocket.

"Hey kid, how much…"

"Cut the crap. I know who you are Paul," Rusty said and Sharon smiled at his strong voice. She knew without a doubt he could handle this meeting. She saw officers inch their way towards the duo.

The smile Paul gave Rusty was creepy and he struggled to keep his attitude. His face faltered as he saw Sharon closing in behind the guy and his emotions altered between frustration that she had broke her promise and relief because he knew whatever happened she would have his back.

"Well then you know I'm here to kill... you," the man said suddenly turning and pulling out a gun pointing it at Sharon who was caught off guard. Before she could react he kicked the gun out of her hand and moved her against his chest in a tight grip.

"Sharon!" Rusty yelled as one of the undercover cops grabbed him and pulled him back before rushing towards the hostage situation. Rusty watched as Sykes, Flynn and several other officers surrounded the doctor and his foster mom. Sitting on the ground, tears came to his eyes and burying his head in his legs he began to cry. Because of him she was in danger. He didn't think he could stand it if Paul hurt her.

"You were supposed to stay in the van," he moaned softly over and over rocking back and forth his hands balled into fists. He heard officer's voices demanding Paul drop the gun and release Sharon, and then he heard her voice. It was shaky and low and he could hear the nervousness in it. Rusty made up his mind that he wouldn't stay behind the scenes. He needed to see her and he wanted her to see him. He needed her to know that what she had done mattered and how much he loved her for protecting and loving him so much. Rising slowly he began to creep around the circle of cops each one preoccupied with Sharon and Paul.

"Did you really think I didn't know you were coming up behind me you stupid woman," Paul sneered twisting her arm back hard chuckling at her little cry of pain.

"Put your hands in the air and drop your weapon," Leut. Flynn yelled for the tenth time. It was killing him that she was in this predicament. She was supposed to be in the van and out of danger and he was pissed she hadn't complied.

"I should have known, but its obviously you planned this well," Sharon managed to say gritting her teeth as pain radiated down her arm. She was relieved it was her and not Rusty being held hostage. He was safe from the gun, safe from her recurrent nightmare.

"I did plan well. The one thing that would hurt Rusty the most would be if his guardian died. A guardian who its obvious to see, loves him. His own mother could care less about him. I could see that within ten minutes of my first visit. When Phillip contacted me, I slowly did research. When I discovered he was staying with you, I knew it was the only thing that would literally kill him emotionally. He has a huge fear of being abandoned thanks to his crack whore of a mommy. Where would this poor, unloved, neglected child live without you Sharon?"

"With me," Flynn growled itching to pull the trigger and end this situation now.

"Or me or any one of the members of our squad. He's well loved," Amy replied coldly which caused Sharon to smile. Rusty would be taken care of if something should happen to her. The man didn't seem phased by their responses at all. Sneering he said,

"Really? Would he really stay with any of you? Isn't it more likely, without the guardian he trusts he will run back to selling himself on the streets? Or maybe, he'll be so heartbroken he'll slit his own throat. How will you feel knowing all your effort on him will be for nothing Sharon? Oh wait, you won't care because you'll be six feet under," He cackled, glancing over as he caught Rusty running to the other side where Sharon faced. Smiling evilly at him the man put the gun to her head releasing the safety and pulling the trigger back. Sharon's eyes closed involuntarily for a second as she took deep easy breaths to keep her adrenaline in check. The man was hitting every nerve with her and glancing over at Leut. Flynn he gave her a small reassuring smile before snarling,

"He might run, but he won't commit suicide. The kid is strong and brave. You on the other hand will not be leaving here a free man whether it be a bullet through your brain or jail. No matter how many times Rusty runs we will find him and we will keep him safe and let him know how much he is loved. He will testify against Phillip Stroh and YOUR work will be for nothing"

The man just shrugged and Sharon began to feel uneasy. Feeling a different pair of eyes bore into her, she opened hers and saw Rusty's anguished face trying to be courageous as he stared at her and Paul.

She gave him as strong a smile as she could muster hoping to quell any fears and insecurities he was feeling. She wished he wasn't witnessing this. Her uneasiness continued to grow and began to fester in the pit of her stomach and she knew something was wrong besides the fact she had a gun pointed at her head. They were missing something. Something important.

"Think Sharon," she told herself. If this guy's main objective was to kill her, why hadn't he done it already? What was he waiting for? He had an audience. He had the attention of Rusty. Then another thought hit her. No one was watching her son. He was just yards away witnessing every move they made, listening to every horrible word out of Paul's mouth. Could there be a second perp that was waiting to strike while everyone was preoccupied? Were they wrong about Paul being the letter writer?

Seeing the woman he thought of as his mother with a gun to her head caused something to snap inside of Rusty. He couldn't let Paul hurt her. He wasn't going to allow this psychopath of a man to injure another person he loved. An idea formed in his mind as he stood there.

"That might be the case lieutenant but you're forgetting one thing," Paul replied glancing at Rusty with a small smile.

Sharon's eyes zeroed in on her foster son before glancing at all the officers surrounding her. She hoped she could somehow signal someone to back off her and monitor him. If there was another perp and the ploy was to have all the attention on her, it was working. Suddenly with heart stopping clarity she recalled the night Jack had come in at three in the morning and Rusty had rushed into the kitchen with a lamp ready to attack when he hadn't heard from her. She remembered his words while leaving the office after he agreed to see a therapist, 'I'm only doing this because I love you...'

Her eyes widened and a wave of nausea passed through her as she realized what Paul was doing. Focusing on her son she watched the fear fall off his face and a hard, angry, determined look took over. "No" she whispered her mouth falling open in pure terror as she realized what she should have known all along. Hearing her, Paul let out a little chuckle. She had finally caught on but it was too late.

"We're anxiously listening," Flynn sarcastically said.

The man paused for a dramatic moment glancing quickly over at Rusty who had begun a full on sprint towards him, before saying,

"You forgot how much love a son has for his mother,"

Flynn's eyebrows crinkled together in confusion and he glanced over at Amy as they both realized their mistake and turned to where Rusty had been earlier. He wasn't there. Flipping around they spotted him tearing towards Sharon and Paul.

"No kid!" he screamed and both he and Amy charged towards Rusty hoping to tackle him at the same time Sharon began to scream and fight the man like she was possessed.

" NO! Rusty NO! She screamed attempting to tackle or knock the gun out of the man's hand as his hold on her tightened. Cackling Paul turned his gun towards the boy and shot off four rounds before the undercover cops, who were in the dark about the full extent of the relationship between Sharon and Rusty, could react. Rusty's body jerked twice and he fell backwards as a couple of bullets hit him. Sharon managed to jerk herself away from Paul as officers fired at him. He was dead before he even hit the ground.

"Oh God, please!" Sharon sobbed as she dashed towards Rusty. Diving towards the ground seconds before Amy and Flynn she yanked off her extra sweater and pressed it against the holes in his chest.

"I'm sorry," Rusty managed to say as he cried out in pain gritting his teeth.

"Shhhh," she soothed as tears fell down her face and she pressed her shaking hands down as hard as she could trying to keep the bright red blood inside his thin body.

"No, No, No!" Sharon moaned feeling as though her chest was going to burst open with the pain she was experiencing at the sight of her son writhing in agony on the ground.

"Why didn't I realize what he was doing sooner!" she yelled allowing Flynn to push her arms away so he could press harder on Rusty's potentially life threatening injuries. Scooting over to his head Sharon gently lifted it and placed it on her lap. Caressing his blonde hair she tried hard to remain calm as he struggled to breath. Each painful gasp he let out felt like a stab wound to her chest.

She knew he loved her. He had shown her over and over and even told her. She just didn't realize how much.

"I had to. I didn't want him to hurt you. I love you…. mom," he said with a weak smile before his body went limp.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .

Thank you to everyone who took the time to review! This is the last chapter till I get back from vacation but i'll update as soon as I can. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!


	8. Chapter 8

**Note: I wasn't planning on writing anything till after the holidays, but after I received several angry messages, I decided to write another chapter. As an FYI, I rarely write stories without a happy ending. :)**

"What the hell happened!?" Chief Taylor yelled as he walked into the waiting room of Mercy General Hospital.

Looking around at the twenty officers who were sitting in small plastic chairs or leaning against the wall, he forced himself to calm down. Every one of them wore defeated, concerned looks on their faces.

Taylor's eyes scanned the room where they fell on Sharon, Andy and Amy. All three looked miserable. Walking over he pulled up a chair.

"What happened out there?"

"When we realized who it was, I didn't want to take chances on him taking Rusty as a hostage or shooting him point blank, so I ran up to take the man down, and he turned the tables on me," Sharon said her voice scratchy from all the crying she had done.

"He was smart Chief. He distracted us so that our attention was on him and the Captain. No one was watching the kid. All along he had planned for us to be distracted, while he said certain things to play with Rusty's mind so he would come closer and shoot him," Andy replied angrily

Taylor sighed running a hand across his face.

"The main thing I don't understand is why he wasn't wearing his vest,"

More tears filled Sharon's eyes and she shook her head.

"I don't know. I've been asking myself that question all afternoon. I thought he had it on, but we found it in the van underneath one of the benches,"

"Last week, he complained about it. He said it made him too hot and he had a difficult time moving. I never thought he wouldn't wear it. We stressed the importance of it," Amy said sadly.

"Does anyone know his condition?" Taylor asked

"He passed out while we were waiting for the paramedics. The last thing we heard was that he was in surgery,"

"Which was almost three hours ago," Sharon replied standing up, pulling her sweater tighter around herself and walked towards the drinking fountain. She blamed herself for what happened. She knew there was no possibility things would have gone any differently since Rusty hadn't worn his vest and the late Dr. Davenport had meticulously planned for his death. Still, she couldn't help but blame herself for not staying in the van and playing a hand in the stupid mind games that man was an expert at.

Watching Sharon pace the hallways, Taylor sighed.

"How is she doing?"

Both Andy and Amy shook their heads.

"She's a mess Chief. She lost it when Rusty passed out thinking he was dead. It wasn't till Amy found a pulse that we were able to calm her down. She's been reserved and quiet since," Andy replied.

Taylor nodded sadly. He knew how much Rusty meant to Sharon.

"Just so you know, Emma is beyond angry. It took me awhile to convince her not to come down here and yell at you all. Hopefully tomorrow she'll be calmer,"

A few more hours slowly passed and a doctor finally came out. Scanning the room his eyes fell on the large group of officers. Walking over he watched as the group rose and surrounded him. Giving them a reassuring tired smile he said,

"The surgery was a success. He's going to be fine. The first bullet buried itself in one of his ribs breaking a couple, the other did more damage, collapsing a lung and nicking one of the arteries, but we were able to repair everything,"

"When can I see him?" Sharon asked feeling relief at the knowledge Rusty was going to be ok.

"He's in recovery right now, but If you'd like to follow me, I'll take you to him," Sharon nodded her head quickly following the doctor down the hallway towards the room where Rusty lay. At the entrance of the room the doctor said,

"He has several IV's. One is an antibiotic to ward off any infections, and the other is a saline solution to keep him hydrated. His heartbeat is strong and stable. He's a fighter,"

Sharon nodded her head absently unable to tear her eyes away from her son.

"Do you know when he should wake up?"

"It all depends on the person, but hopefully in the next few hours,"

"Could I stay with him?" she asked.

The doctor looked at her noticing her red blood shot eyes and her extremely pale face. He suspected if he said no she would end up staying in the waiting room. He was a father and he knew if it was his son lying there nothing would keep him away.

"I'll ask the nurses to bring a bed for you if you'd like," With that he left her and moved on to his next patient.

Walking into the room, Sharon took a few deep breaths then pulled up a chair next to his bed and sat down. Tentatively reaching a hand out she carefully avoided the tube which led to his IV and gently held his hand.

"Rusty, I'm so sorry honey. I wish I had caught on sooner. I wish I had checked to make sure you were wearing your vest, which we will be talking about once you're out of the hospital,"

Taking a deep breath to steady her emotions. She reminded herself that he was fine. He had made it through surgery and if things continued going well, he would be out of the hospital and back in her condo within a week.

"Rusty, I love you so much, and if you are interested, I'd like to officially make you a part of my family. Maybe we can even discuss me formally adopting you or whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm so proud of you,"

A few hours later, Andy walked towards Rusty's room to check on them. A few feet away he stopped when he saw Rusty awake, a small smile on his face as he gazed at Sharon who was asleep next to him. Andy watched from a distance as Rusty put a hand on her shoulder and closed his eyes. Not wanting to disturb them, he turned around and headed towards the waiting room to inform the group that all was well.


	9. Chapter 9

"This doesn't make me a weak person,"

Sharon told herself as she maneuvered her tan Volvo into a cramped parking space between two large SUV's, who in her opinion, had badly parked. Turning the engine off she set the keys in her lap, closed her eyes and sat for a few moments concentrating on her breathing.

In and out. In and out.

She forced her mind to focus on the way each deep breath caused her ribs to expand away from her spine and each exhale brought them back again. She focused on how each breath stilled her mind and left her calm, her emotions grounded. She was determined to walk into the therapist's office level headed as she normally was until recently.

She thought she had managed to escape being held a hostage and watching Rusty be shot twice without any emotional trauma. However, a week after he was discharged from the hospital she had begun to have flashbacks and panic attacks. At first they happened only at night. She would wake up drenched in sweat, her heart racing, and her arms numb. When she had managed to calm down enough that she could stand straight without feeling dizzy, she'd check on her son to reassure herself he was alive.

It was easy to hide it from Rusty and even Dr. Joe when he was there for his weekly therapy sessions with Rusty. She'd walk out of her bedroom, her shoulders straight with a smile on her face telling both of them that she was doing well and couldn't believe how grateful she was that their nightmare was over. It wasn't long though till the panic attacks began to occur during the day without warning. She had one while on the phone with her daughter, another while taking a shower and the latest was at the grocery store. Each one left her feeling out of control, exhausted and as in the case of the grocery store, embarrassed as she left her full basket in the middle of the aisle and stumbled her way out of the store her eyes huge, her chest heaving, her head swimming and her arms quickly growing numb as she struggled to get to the safety of her car.

She was a police captain for goodness sakes. She had seen her fair share of shootings, particular videos of shootings during FID investigations. She had even shot someone right after graduating from the Academy and she had never reacted in this way.

Yesterday though, after Dr. Joe had finished his session with Rusty, he had asked to talk to her. Sitting in the chair across from where she sat curled up on the red sofa, he had looked her straight in the eyes and kindly asked how she was really doing. The gentleness and genuine concern that pooled in his blue eyes shocked her and she felt tears fill her own eyes before she quickly blinked them away. She hated to cry in front of others and glancing down at her lap she played with a blue piece of thread, that happened to be on her pants, and mumbled the same thing she always said when people asked how she was holding up,

" I'm fine."

"Really? Because, I have to say, you don't look fine to me. In fact you look the opposite of fine. You've lost weight, your eyes have lost their shine, and I haven't seen a real smile from you since I started sessions with Rusty two weeks ago,"

Even though he had said it nicely, it still hurt a little that he had been able to see through her façade, and the tears she had forced back came tumbling down her cheeks. Handing her a tissue, he had patiently waited while she broke down and finally admitted she wasn't doing so well.

"This is completely normal after what you experienced,"

"But, I'm a police captain. I've seen multiple shootings; I've been trained on what to do if a gun was held to my head. It wasn't anything new,"

"But, it was a new experience for you. Have you had a gun held to your head by a psychopath who had been writing you and Rusty threatening letters before? Have you watched your son be shot twice by that same psychopath? Have you had to deal with watching someone you love go through hours of painful physical therapy? This wasn't a shooting by a random officer you had heard of but barely knew. This wasn't just any ordinary victim. This was your son. This was personal. Of course you're going to have some kind of reaction to this event. I'd be more worried if you didn't,"

He had then handed her a business card for a colleague of his who was an expert on trauma. Now here she was sitting in the car she had kept for her children and now for Rusty to drive once he was healed.

With one more deep breath, she unlocked the door then climbed out of the car. Her auburn hair glistened in the sunshine and her green eyes were accentuated by her hunter green button-down-blouse, which she paired with dark blue boot cut jeans and black ankle cut leather boots. Striding towards the front doors of the therapists office she hesitated for a moment before putting her hand out and grasping the silver handle of the door.

Walking inside, she was pleasantly surprised to find that the front room was void of the typical sterile office décor. Instead it was warmly decorated in brown overtones. The carpet was a plush dark brown, the couch and loveseat were light brown and looked as soft and cozy as her own. In the corner were kid toys and a tall bookshelf full of both fiction and non-fiction books as well as the latest psychology today, People, and Home and Garden magazines. A desk sat at the far wall and a receptionist dressed in business casual attire sat there with a warm smile on her face. Walking towards her Sharon said,

"I'm Sharon Raydor, and I'm here to see Dr. Melissa Walker,"

Introducing herself as Allison, the young woman handed her a sheet to fill out for health insurance purposes and told her Dr. Walker would be with her soon. Sharon sat down on the couch, which was indeed as soft as her own, and quickly filled out the paperwork. No sooner had she handed in the paperwork and sat back down, did a woman in her early sixties walk into the front room. She was dressed in black slacks and a long white cashmere sweater with black suede heels. Her grey and white hair was pulled elegantly back into a bun and black square glasses covered her chestnut colored brown eyes.

Talking to Allison for a moment, she turned to Sharon, walked over and extended a hand.

"You must be Sharon. I'm Melissa, please follow me," she said shaking her hand and smiling at her before turning and walking down the hallway.

Sharon followed closely behind observing everything as she headed towards the woman's office. Inside Sharon's eyes widened a little. The office was roomy and decorated close to the front office. Instead of carpet the floor was a medium brown hardwood. Two dark brown sofas sat across from each other and a dark brown recliner stood to the right near a wall. A small red Oriental rug lay on the floor between the furniture. A mahogany colored desk sat across the room with a white apple laptop and a table lamp on the left side and neatly stacked manila folders on the right. A stone waterfall fountain sat on the floor near the desk, the trickling sound soothing any anxiety Sharon was feeling about her first meeting.

The room had multiple windows with their blinds open allowing sunlight to stream in. They overlooked a green lawn that was beautifully landscaped with a variety of flowers and manicured bushes. The oak walls were decorated with professional pictures of oceans and forests. Feeling at home Sharon turned her gaze towards Melissa.

"Please take a seat," Melissa said sitting on the couch closest to her desk and patiently waiting for Sharon to settle in. Once Sharon had turned her eyes to her she said,

"So Sharon, I find that it best makes my patients feel at home once I introduce myself. My name is Melissa, please call me that, and I've been working with trauma victims for the past thirty years. I'm a native Californian and when I'm not here I'm on the beach with my dog or cooking for friends,"

"Helping people overcome their past traumas is a huge passion of mine, and I will do everything in my power to make sure this office remains a safe and secure place for you. Through the years I've learned that people react very differently when bringing up the past so if you need to pace, lay down, take off your shoes and curl up, cry, look out the window, whatever you're comfortable with, feel free to do so. This is a non-judgment zone so you may say anything you like. So to start off how about you introduce yourself. What do you do for a living?"

A little surprised by the ease she felt with this woman, Sharon felt her shoulders relax and with a small smile she introduced herself ending with the fact she was in the process of adopting her foster son Rusty and why she had made the appointment.

Smiling calmly at Sharon, Melissa said,

"You don't beat around the bush. I like that. Now, how about we start from the beginning. Let's talk about Rusty and how he came to be living with you. We'll work our way up to why you are currently having panic attacks. Take your time and if you start to feel like it's too much, stop. There is no need to rush or push yourself.

Without a second thought, Sharon started in on how she had first met Rusty during a case with ex-colleague Chief Johnson, to Chief Johnson leaving her job. She talked about Rusty being a material witness in that murder trial and having no home due to being abandoned by his drug addicted mother. She continued by mentioning bringing him home and becoming his foster mom.

As she talked, Melissa observed her patient's body posture. She noticed how Sharon's green eyes sparkled with love and concern when she talked about Rusty and her children. She noticed her body posture slump and her eyes dim and harden when she mentioned the threatening letters and Provinsa and Taylor's insane idea to use him in a police mission. She could tell that despite the past few months, Sharon was a strong woman. She knew this patient would do everything in her power to make herself better.

"Since then, I keep having flashbacks at night and panic attacks. I've been able to hide them from Rusty, but I'm worried I won't be able to for long. I don't want to scare him. Plus, I only have another two weeks of leave left. What if it happens at work? I've worked hard to keep my imagine in a department dominated by tough, often times sexist, men. I can't be seen as weak. I also don't need these panic attacks to affect my job. I can't be hyperventilating and going crazy when I have important decisions to make. I want to be back to my old self. This new weak me is just not going to do,"

Nodding her head Melissa said,

"First off, thank you for telling me all that. From everything you've said, and shown me through your body language, I have to say you are one strong woman. I don't see this weak person you say you are. Now, forgive me, but I'm going to pry a little more into some of the things you mentioned,"

Before Sharon knew it, an hour and a half had gone by and she was scheduling an appointment with Allison for next week. Humming as she headed to her car, she couldn't believe how much better she felt from just one session. It was nice to have someone who was empathetic to talk to. She also had a few exercises to practice at home concerning how to deal with stress and the panic attacks that plagued her.

Rusty was lying on the couch asleep with Det. Sykes sitting in the chair across from him reading a book, when Sharon walked in. Amy quickly stood up as Sharon set her keys in the bowl and her purse on the table.

"How is he?" Sharon asked walking towards the pair.

"Physical therapy wore him out, but he was a trooper. He did refuse to take his pain medication, said it made him feel funny. I gave him a couple Tylenol, put on a movie and he fell immediately to sleep. Sharon smiled at her son who was wrapped in the blanket she kept on the chair. He looked pale and she looked forward to the day when he was no longer in pain.

"Rusty's social worker stopped by and brought you an envelope. She chatted with Rusty for a bit before leaving. Its on the table,"

"Thank you Amy," Sharon replied walking her out and closing the door behind her.

Glancing again at her sleeping son, Sharon headed to the table where she sat down and opened the envelope. Inside she found paperwork, and a court date for her and Rusty to meet with the judge. A smile broke across Sharon's face. It was finally happening. She was finally going to be able to adopt Rusty.


	10. Chapter 10

"Rusty, I am not joking! Do **NOT** go any further!"

Sharon yelled for the third time in a matter of minutes from her seated position on a colorful fold out plastic lounge chair on La Jolla beach.

She rolled her eyes as he nonchalantly waved his right hand in the air letting her know he had heard but wasn't taking her seriously. In two days, she would be returning to work and after talking to both Dr. Joe and the physical therapist, she planned a day trip to La Jolla to soak in the sun and enjoy the peace that only comes from being near the ocean. It was the off-season for tourists so the beach was deserted except for a few couples strolling along holding hands. She smiled at them remembering her and Jack's first few years together before he became addicted to drinking and gambling. She was perfectly content being separated, but there were days she longed to have someone who would romance her, take her out to dinner, and hold her hand while strolling on the sand or wading in the waves. She longed for someone she could snuggle up next to or even break down in front of on days when life became overwhelming. She was used to dealing with things on her own, but she had to admit she was lonely at times.

Breathing in the fresh ocean air, Sharon snuggled further back into the chair and with one last glance at her son, who was swimming in the waves, she opened one of the many when-I-finally-have-a-free-moment book and allowed her mind to drift into the plot of the story. Every few pages she'd bring herself back to reality to check on Rusty who was still content wading and swimming in the salty ocean. About fifteen minutes into the book she heard,

"Mom! Seriously quit reading and enjoy the waves! What is the point of taking a trip to the beach if you won't even get in the water?"

Mom.

She loved hearing that word instead of Sharon. A month from today they had an appointment with a judge and hopefully he'd legally be hers. When she had showed the paperwork to Rusty the smile that had spread across his face had told her she had made the right choice. Her children had even been excited when she had told them and asked her to bring him to their family gathering on Easter. All she had left to deal with was Jack who she swore would sign the papers or else she would send him divorce papers.

Smiling at him she shrugged and abandoning the book on the bright blue beach towel beside her, rose from her chair and walked towards the ocean. She had refused to wear a bathing suit since it was technically the middle of winter but she had worn old blue jeans, which she rolled up past her knees, and a baggy old grey UCLA sweatshirt she had in the back of her closet that she rarely wore. Her body automatically jumped when the sixty-degree water hit her shins.

"Rusty, its freezing," she complained as he waded closer to her.

"It's not that bad once you get used to it," he responded with a shrug of his shoulders.

They walked along the beach together in silence, Sharon only going to the point where the waves lapped at her knees for a few moments, before walking closer to the sand. Both enjoyed the calling of the seagulls and the roar and crash of the waves as they slid up along the shore leaving clumps of seaweed, seashells and smooth rocks behind. For the first time since she had started therapy, Sharon hadn't felt that terrifying rush of her heart or the dizziness that automatically accompanied it. She truly felt at peace.

Stopping to pick up another intact seashell, Rusty was the first to break the silence.

"How long has it been since you've been to the beach?"

Sharon quietly counted back the months before giving up.

"I'm honestly not sure. It's been at least a year if not more,"

Rusty nodded.

"I was too busy trying to survive to enjoy the beach," he admitted.

"Kinda sad since we only live a few hours away,"

"It is," Sharon murmured reaching a hand out to gently squeeze his shoulder.

"I say, no matter how busy we become we go at least once a month," Rusty replied as they left the waves and headed back towards their lounge chairs.

"That's a deal I can handle," Sharon replied and she shook Rusty's extended hand. Life really was too short to only spend it working and stressed.

Around one that afternoon, they packed up their gear and headed back to the car.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving," Sharon said as Rusty buckled himself in the front seat and pushed back his chair to a laying position.

"How does burgers sound?" she asked as she backed out of their parking slot and merging onto the main road after a few cars.

"That sounds awesome," he replied with a tired smile.

"You feeling okay?" She asked quickly sliding into her concerned mom role. He was doing so much better and the last thing she wanted was for him to take a step back from his healing.

"I feel tired but not in a bad way," he replied yawning.

"Take a nap. I'll wake you when we get there,"

Rusty was asleep before she even completed the sentence. Smiling gently at him she focused on driving.

Thirty minutes later, Sharon pulled into the parking lot of a sixties styled diner. She had been here a few times: first with Jack and then later with her children.

"This place has amazing milkshakes and I do believe you will find their burgers presentable," she said as she turned off the ignition and they slid out of the car.

"I'll try them,"

Inside the red and white themed diner, the hostess showed them to a booth near a window overlooking the ocean. They both ordered milkshakes, Sharon chocolate, Rusty strawberry, and cheeseburgers with curly fries.

"I can't believe you ordered a milkshake with a cheeseburger and fries,"

"Why does that surprise you so much?" she asked stretching out her legs for a moment.

"Because you always eat healthy, and you always talk about the benefits of eating healthy,"

"Well, once and awhile I too like to eat junk food. It's just different when you're my age Rusty. Your body will just metabolize it without gaining an ounce, I'll gain ten pounds,"

Looking over at his mom he gave her a goofy grin.

"You could stand to gain a few pounds,"

Sharon returned the smile knowing that was the closest to a compliment she'd get from a teenage boy.

Minutes later the server brought them their food and they both dug in. Sharon was always surprised at how big of an appetite she had after being on the beach. They both polished off most of their meal boxing up the remainder and headed home.

That evening, after showering, and finishing off their leftovers, they both sat on the couch looking out the window of her condo at the beautiful sunset.

"Thank you for today," Rusty quietly said.

"Of course! I had a wonderful day with you,"

"Me too,"

"Are you feeling better?" Rusty asked after a couple minutes went by.

"What do you mean?" Sharon asked locking her green eyes with his brown ones and taking notice of his uncomfortable look.

"I mean. Well. You kept coming into my room in a panic a lot at night after I got out of the hospital. You seemed withdrawn and sad. Now, you seem calmer and not as upset anymore. I just wanted to make sure you were doing better,"

"Oh," Sharon said a flush of heat filling her cheeks. She had no idea he had known and it embarrassed her that he had been aware she was upset.

"Rusty I'm doing much better. I was just experiencing some side effects from everything you and I had been through,"

Rusty's silence and inability to look her in the eyes concerned Sharon.

"Rusty," she said after a few uncomfortable minutes.

"It was my fault. Everything that has happened to us is my fault. If I hadn't been a witness to Phillip Stroh burying that dead woman I wouldn't be testifying in court. Those letters would never have been written and Paul would never have held you hostage to get to me," he said agitation written all over his body.

"Rusty listen to me," Sharon said extending an arm out and gently rubbing his back to calm him.

"This was not and I repeat **NOT** your fault. I'm grateful you were a witness. Without you, we never would have gotten him off the streets and more innocent women would be dying horrific senseless deaths. Besides, if you weren't a witness I would be missing out on a wonderful, intelligent and sweet son,"

The upset look on his face vanished and he looked up at her with hope.

"You don't resent me? Not even a little bit?"

"I wouldn't be adopting you if I resented you," Sharon replied with a small smile.

Rusty cautiously returned the smile and Sharon opened up her arms to envelop him in a hug.

Just one more month and this sweet boy would be hers. She told herself as she gently held him. Just one more month.


End file.
